Bitcoin Hits New ATH, Economists Wonder If Money Even Matters Anymore

In what can only be described as a financial fever dream, Bitcoin has once again shattered price records, leaving traditional economists clutching their textbooks and questioning their life choices.

"I spent 30 years studying monetary policy, and now I'm watching teenagers become millionaires by trading digital coins with dog pictures on them," lamented Dr. Eleanor Rigby, Chief Economist at Global Financial Institute. "Maybe money is just a shared delusion after all."

As Bitcoin surged past $100,000, Wall Street veterans were seen frantically Googling "what is a blockchain" and "how to explain to clients why I didn't recommend crypto."

Meanwhile, crypto enthusiasts celebrated by purchasing even more impractical items with their newfound wealth, including private islands, NFTs of private islands, and the concept of privacy itself.

"To the moon!" shouted 23-year-old crypto millionaire Chad Blockfolio, who admitted he still doesn't fully understand what Bitcoin is but has seven Lamborghinis. "I'm thinking of buying Portugal next week if the trend continues."

Central bankers worldwide have responded by scheduling an emergency meeting to discuss whether they should just give up and start mining Ethereum instead.