Cookie Monster Policy

Cookies are small text files that websites place on your device to store information about your preferences, login status, and other data. They're called "cookies" because, like actual cookies, once you have one, you usually end up with a lot more than you intended.

Unlike edible cookies, digital cookies won't give you a sugar rush or expand your waistline. They will, however, expand our ability to track your behavior, which is either convenient or creepy, depending on your perspective.

Types of Cookies We Use:

• Essential Cookies: These are the vegetables of the cookie world—not what you came for, but necessary for a functioning website. They help with basic functions like logging in and remembering your preferences.
• Analytics Cookies: These cookies help us understand how you use our site, which articles you read, and how long you spend contemplating our existential takes on cryptocurrency. We promise not to judge your reading habits (much).
• Advertising Cookies: These cookies remember what you've looked at so we can show you more of the same. Spent three hours reading about meme stocks? Prepare for an avalanche of related content and ads. It's like that friend who won't stop talking about a topic once they know you're interested.
• Social Media Cookies: These allow you to share our content on social media, so your friends can also enjoy our hot takes on why the market makes no sense.

We use the information collected through cookies to:

• Remember your preferences, like whether you prefer our Humorous or Existential content (we judge you slightly if it's the latter)
• Analyze which articles are popular, so we can create more content about whatever financial meme is currently trending
• Personalize your experience, showing you more of what you like and less of what makes you close the tab
• Display targeted advertising, because our writers need to eat and our AI models need electricity
• Improve our website, so it loads faster than the market crashes after a Fed announcement

We do NOT use your data to:

• Predict your personal financial future (our AI can barely predict yesterday's weather)
• Judge your investment choices (that's what your friends are for)
• Create a digital clone of you (the technology isn't quite there yet, check back in 2030)
• Send to hedge funds so they can do the opposite of whatever retail investors are reading (though that's not a bad business model...)

You have several options for managing cookies:

• Accept All Cookies: The digital equivalent of saying "yes" to the question "would you like another cookie?" at your grandmother's house.
• Essential Cookies Only: The digital equivalent of being on a diet at said grandmother's house.
• Customize Your Preferences: For the picky eaters who want chocolate chip but not oatmeal raisin.

You can also manage cookies through your browser settings. Each browser has different controls, but they're usually found in the "Privacy" or "Settings" section. Look for options related to cookies, site data, or tracking.

Be warned: blocking all cookies may make some features of Financial Fusion stop working, much like how removing flour from a cookie recipe results in a sad, flat mess that no one wants to eat.